St. Pauls Willimantic

We talk about GLBT people but mostly we mean GLB. Our society has reached the stage where, at least officially, it's ok - and fairly safe - to be gay or lesbian. People look pretty much the same whether gay, lesbian or straight. As a result, you can be out as gay - but when you walk down the street you're not automatically telling that to strangers. To come out as transgendered is different and much more difficult.

Gender identity is a complex subject with a wide range of issues. Just consider some of the the descriptive labels, such as Tgirl, drag queen, or shemale. Then there's the associated alphabet soup - TG, TS, CD, TV. Issues can range from relatively mild (CD, TV) to complete identity with the opposite gender (TG). (See the following wikis for a more extensive discussion of the LGBT label, and the transgender community.)

Gender identity problems are much more common for males (M to F) than for females (F to M). In general, masculine women are more accepted by society than feminine men. Tomboy is ok but sissy is not. (You can make the argument that in a male dominated society, the less common F to M person can get away with a little bit because that's going from a lower to a higher status. On the other hand, the more typical M to F  T-person is perceived as rejecting the position of strength and power and becoming a vulnerable "girl".)

Gender identity issues for a person can change a great deal with time. For example, a boy doesn't want to be tagged as a sissy - there are a lot of the problems that go with that designation! He may try hard to not act the part and to deny that part of himself. Later in life, he may accept and become comfortable with that part of himself. However, he still must deal with society and how it views and treats him. He also must deal with family issues which also change with time.

A lot of this is particularly difficult for an older people; after all, not too many years ago the possibility of these issues was not even acknowledged, never mind discussed! This tended to leave a T person feeling isolated - that they were the only person in the world who felt the way they did. At least nowadays the subject is out there and can be discussed...

However, coming out completely is still very difficult and very dangerous - especially for the male to female T person. For most of them, passing as female is not possible, and they will be read as a guy in a dress. There are lots of times and places where the problem with being perceived as a guy in a dress is not embarrassment but plain physical danger.

Spiritual issues also can arise. If God made me this gender why do I want to be the other? Am I violating God's intent for me? Specific answers depend on one's concept of God. (In the Episcopal church there is no single answer to this question. Visions of God range from the hard line biblical literalism of those on the far right to the non-deist view of Bishop Spong.) My short answer is that we are what we are. Then, if we believe in a loving God, we accept who we are and trust that our mission and ministry will be found in living a useful and honest life.

The Episcopal church seems to make the headlines via parishes that leave because they don't approve of gay bishops, gay priests, blessing of same-sex couples, etc. (Most don't approve of women priests either – certainly not women bishops!) It's happened here in Connecticut - and the court battles are not over. Fortunately a majority of the Episcopal bishops, priests and congregations in the US do not support the conservative agenda. (Unfortunately this is not the case in much of the rest of the world.)

However, what really matters to us as individuals is the parish itself. In most ways a parish is quite independent and sets its own agenda - including its view of the LGBT community. Here at St. Paul's our basic view was settled a long time ago when an openly gay priest was installed. Those offended by the GLBT community left - and controversy left with them.

We have gay, lesbian and transgender parishioners and our previous priest was a lesbian. However, we are not a “gay” church – we are a diverse church. You will find poor and rich (actually more like middle class comfortable), different occupations, different backgrounds (including different religious backgrounds), some racial diversity, and the full range of sexuality and gender identity. All this in a small, friendly church where everyone is a full member of the family (of course this includes a few slightly strange relatives)!

Large organizations, such as the Episcopal church, like to be safe and not make the membership too uncomfortable (remember the civil right era when the mainstream churches mostly had to be dragged into the struggle?). As we can see, the right wing does not compromise. It also does not allow for the possibility of any scriptural interpretation besides their own. As a result, those of us on the opposite side are expected to make all the compromises in order to keep the organization together. Under many circumstances compromise can be a very reasonable thing. However, no compromise can be justified when issues of justice are at stake. Although our main concern is what happens here in Willimantic and its surroundings, we do add our voice to this ongoing battle when possible. To illustrate, the following is a resolution passed by the vestry (Episcopal-speak for the council or board) in October 2006:

I. Resolved: that the Vestry of St. Paul's Episcopal Church, Willimantic, CT, urges the Rt. Rev. Andrew Smith, Bishop of Connecticut, to lift immediately his inhibition regarding the blessing by clergy of same-sex unions and their officiating at civil unions.

II. Resolved: that the Vestry of St. Episcopal Church, Willimantic, CT, affirms our shared mission of Christian inclusiveness by endorsing the following paragraphs from a resolution recently adopted by the parishes of St. Francis Church, Stamford, and St. Paul's on the Green, Norwalk:

           We are committed to full inclusion of everyone, no matter who they are or where they may be on their faith journey, and we oppose any attempt to discriminate against any person based upon race, gender, age, sexual orientation, physical ability, or socio-economic status.

 

We will continue to invite those who are not yet here to experience God's radical welcome as an Episcopal church doing church differently and functioning as the kind of Episcopal church we believe God expects us to be. We are firm in our understanding that in God's economy there are no outcasts. And we welcome dialog with those who disagree with our perspective."

The diocese has lifted its ban on the blessing of same-sex unions - though there's confusion on the details. If you desire this blessing, or would like more details, please contact us at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

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